surrendering...

For the entire second half of last week, I had the same conversation running through my head. It was a conversation with a high school girl I’d just met where she reluctantly told me she was atheist… reluctance partly because she was at a church event and partly because she has a tender spirit that was afraid of offending me. It was a short but honest conversation, mostly her talking and me listening. I've had many conversations like this before, but for some reason the mental replay of this one became more and more discouraging to me as the week went on…

For those of us who thrive on being the fixer, the teacher, the encourager… these dead-end conversations kill our spirit and our confidence. As the interaction would replay in my head, I fell into these mind games of what I could have said and how I should have responded… as if there was some magical answer that would have instantly broke open her heart for Jesus. I should know better by now than to succumb to these mind games because they only leave you feeling drained and depleted. Discouragement is not a holy place to camp out- God is the giver of life, not defeat…

This past weekend, though, I received some aptly timed encouragement that spoke truth into this area of my heart. We had small group training at church where we discussed the raw and honest realities of ministry and the things we need to remember as spiritual leaders. There were some incredible people there and I appreciated the candid dialogue of what being a leader in a ministry involves … Two things in particular spoke to me, probably because it’s the areas I experience the most frustration…

1...   Transformation of others is not our responsibility. Period. We are invited to play a part, but creating change in others is not it… neither is manipulating a need for a Savior in others. We are called to pray, to serve, to be open to God’s work in our own life and authentically live it out for others to see… but we are not the Holy Spirit. HE is the wooer of souls, the one who softens hearts and opens minds, the one who convicts of sin and righteousness. His work is not dependent on me having the right words and the correct answer in a certain situation. He is far more capable than I. And this is incredibly freeing.

2...   There is a tension between grace and truth that we need to be aware of. Both are equally important and equally needed in our relationships… if we allow one to overpower the other, then we’ve been compromised. The problem with this, though, is that we tend to fall more on one side the spectrum than the other. Personally, I tend to lean more on the side of grace… which in a weird way I always felt was the holier side… but I was reminded this weekend of the power in truth and that there are times when I could stand to be more bold in declaring it. How will people know God’s heart in things if we never speak it. For me, I allow fear to stop me because I so desperately desire for people to know my love for them… but sometimes sharing truth is the most loving thing I can do.

So this is where I’m at and what I’m learning… and I share the challenge in it with you. May we all surrender control and allow GOD’s transforming power to work in us and in others around us… may we strive to walk the balance of grace and truth… and to love without an agenda…