swollen hearts...

I was reading a blog the other day and one of the lines just jumped out and grabbed me. The writer said, “We must stand firm in our faith and love twice as much… part of how we stand firm is to know Scripture, and not with swollen heads but swollen hearts.” It was reminiscent of a challenge one of my college professors always gave us: Don’t read to know, read to live.

I’ve long given up on debating theology and trying to impress others with obscure verse references- because honestly, what’s the point? I’d rather be known for my passion and love than for my intellect any day. I think that's why this statement resonated with me so much. So how do we transition from swollen heads to swollen hearts? I think for starters, we make our approach to scripture deeply personal. We place ourselves in the midst of the words and make it about us… because isn’t that the point of scripture- to be a meeting place of divinity and humanity? These are the very words of God and they have power that we leave untapped when we limit it to a “textbook” understanding, merely food for our brain. In Hebrews it says that when we engage with Scripture in a personal way, it has the ability to “expose and sift and analyze and judge the very thoughts and purposes of the heart.” I don’t read the Word of God, the Word of God reads me. [Wish I could take credit for that last line- stole it from church two weeks ago!]

I love how the Message says it: “His powerful Word is sharp as a surgeon's scalpel, cutting through everything, whether doubt or defense, laying us open to listen and obey. Nothing and no one is impervious to God's Word.” To listen and obey. Obedience is the other integral part of moving from swollen heads to swollen hearts. When we lay ourselves bare before the lens of the Word of our Creator, there is always an invitation.  It’s an invitation to exercise faith by applying what is whispered to our hearts through the Word. It’s not formulas, checklists, or 3-step plans… but a dance between us and God as we take one step at a time following His lead.

I’ve been meditating on portions of Psalm 119 lately in my desire to appreciate and align myself with scripture- it’s all about the Words of the Lord and why they’re important to us. I challenge you to join me in that meditation if you’re at a place of wanting more than just head knowledge…

May we all desire to exchange swollen heads for swollen hearts… hearts that beat with the rhythm of God’s heart… and spill forth the passionate resolve of a firm faith…

...open my eyes to see the wonderful truths in your instructions... psalm 119:18

be like sheep...

This past weekend Michael & I had the privilege of helping out at an event our church puts on called July Jubilee. The heartbeat behind July Jubilee is to go above and beyond in serving the homeless community downtown.  They have free hot meals, career counseling, manicures & pedicures, live music, etc... We helped all day at the clothing boutique- there were racks and racks of free clothes, shoes, and accessories they could pick from.  The setup was complete with fitting rooms and a seating area with fresh flowers, sweet treats, cold cucumber water and of course magazines to read while they sat and waited.

Today I was thinking about some of the people I had the pleasure of meeting like Ray who loves music and can play rock’n’roll variations of classical songs on guitar… and John who probably had the best attitude of anyone I’ve ever met in my entire life… and a little girl named Passion who had the bluest eyes you’ve ever seen and not a care in the world despite living her whole five years of existence on the streets. When opportunities like this arise to serve others in tangible ways, we often quote the passage about the judgment of the sheep and the goats- the tag line of course being Jesus’ words: “Whatever you did for the least of these, you did for me.” So I was reading that passage again this morning and here’s what jumped out at me…

When Jesus gives the "sheep" kudos for all of the ways they had served him, they are surprised and confused.  They had no idea what he was talking about and could not recall the specific instances he listed. This is odd to me- how could they have forgotten the times they served the Lord?! Why didn’t a mental list form in their minds of all the times they signed up for outreaches, service projects, small groups, missions trips sparking a warranted response of “Oh yeah, sure thing Jesus. No problem!” Because in all honesty, that’s probably what my response would have been.  But nope, instead they just scratched their heads in bewilderment for this unexpected accolade. 

Here’s what I think the difference is between "the sheep" and I… serving out of convenience verses serving as a lifestyle. Usually opportunities of service for myself are premeditated- after I check my calendar and/or my wallet, I make a mental note to serve in whatever means is being presented. For the sheep, though, serving others was spontaneous and organic.  It was a day by day journey of responding to the injustice and needs around them like it was second-nature.  That's why I think they were confused... because after a lifetime of being hands on in the trenches of life with individuals who otherwise would have been written off or overlooked, the specific instances of their actions blurred together. It’s just life. Valuing others and caring for them is what you do. I want to be more like that.

May we grow to be more and more like sheep… seeing no other way to live life than by being clothed in love and doing everything in a way that serves others and honors God… not for the praise we'll receive, but for the pure fact that there are needs around us that deserve to be met.

because you say so...

Still on a bit of a discipleship kick… this week in our quiet times, our small group is looking at how/when the disciples were first called (hence the Andrew tangent yesterday). Today I’ve been reading about Peter…

We learn in the gospel accounts that Peter is a man who reacts emotionally.  He has extreme highs and extreme lows based on the most current thing happening.  (Relate much?!) After a long, unproductive day fishing he is definitely having a low moment. Fishing is how he provides for his family.  It was his livelihood and pride, so not catching even one little minnow was super discouraging. He’s so frustrated and annoyed (maybe even a little ashamed) that he sulks on the shore cleaning his fishing nets while Jesus is talking with and teaching the crowd that has gathered.  I can relate, when I’m in a bad mood I tend to isolate myself and keep Jesus at a distance too.

Jesus isn’t intimidated by our bad moods, though. He wants to meet us right in the middle of them.  After teaching Jesus goes straight to Peter and tells him to try again.  Peter’s response is twofold. First, he gives a pity-party kind of excuse that they’ve already tried and it’s a hopeless situation.  But the second part of his response is a seemingly 180- he says, “But because you say so, I’ll do it.”  In one sentence such a mix of doubt and faith! This wasn’t Peter’s first encounter with Jesus, but it is the first time we see a tiny seed of faith in him. In this moment, Peter recognizes the power behind the words of the Lord and decides to obey even if it is hard and doesn’t make any sense.  It reminds me of the words of Romans 4:18- "Against all hope, [he] in hope believed..."

Jesus uses Peter’s small act of faith to show him His great power. They end up hauling in so many fish that it almost sinks not one, but TWO, fishing boats.  While it’s an amazing account, the danger in stories like these of God’s incredible provision is that we get suckered into the idea of a “prosperity gospel.”  Suddenly God becomes a genie of sorts where if we believe enough, then He will heap on us loads of material wealth and blessings. This mentality is not consistent with the rest of scripture though. I can’t give you an answer to why some believers live in persistent poverty, or why God doesn’t allow for healing in some who struggle with disease, or why life seems like one hard-knock after another despite how much we pray… but I DO know that despite the apparent circumstances, God is still ABLE and He is still GOOD.  God’s blessings aren’t always in tangible, obvious ways like being rescued from a storm, but sometimes in the more subtle ways like having peace, perseverance and joy in the midst of the storm.

When Peter got to the shore with his abundance of fish, he was cut to the heart and fell to his knees. He recognized that he in no way deserved this goodness from Jesus. That’s where it always has to start- with humility and awe. When we are at THAT place, then we are teachable and usable. Jesus told Peter to pick himself up and called him to a new purpose in life. I'm willing to bet that Peter was pretty stoked he decided to listen to what Jesus said and throw out his net one more time...

May we all be bold enough to respond to God’s prompts with faith and obedience rather than pity-parties and excuses… and may we recognize His goodness and power despite the circumstances that surround us…

I vote for...

I was reading a magazine last night and they had an article where women voted on who their favorite female celebrities were- who they felt were the most beautiful and worthy of being a role model. If we took a similar vote from people in the Bible, I’m willing to bet that the list would be represented with the likes of Abraham, Moses, Joshua, Peter, Paul… you know, the ones we always hear about because there’s a lot written about them.  But you know who my favorite person from the Bible is and who I would vote for? Andrew…

Andrew was one of the first followers of Jesus. He was one of the twelve Jesus chose to be part of his crew that traveled with him, ministered with him, and lived day in and day out with him.  Here’s why I like Andrew- one, he challenges me in my relationships and two, he encourages me in the times my efforts go unseen.  Let me explain…

There’s really not much written about Andrew outside of being listed as a disciple.  We just get a few quick glimpses, but in each of these glimpses there’s a common theme.  When Andrew first encounters Jesus and realizes who this man is, it says the very first thing he did was find his brother Peter and bring him to Jesus too. Later in Jesus’ ministry, the disciples find themselves tired and hungry after a long day with a mountainside of thousands looking to them for something.  It was Andrew who brings a boy with a few fishes and loaves to Jesus with anticipation of something great. Then at the end, right before Jesus is to die, Andrew brings a couple inquisitive Greeks into his Messiah’s presence. 

These are stories you might just skip over as you’re reading the gospels because they tend to precede stories far bigger and better that we focus on instead. But if you pause and look, there’s definitely something to take away.  Every time we see Andrew, he’s bringing someone to Jesus. Not in an obnoxious way or in a "friendship with an agenda" way.  He was just so excited and overflowing with joy from his own encounter with Jesus that he couldn’t help but draw in whoever else was around- his brother Peter, a young boy, a couple of Greeks… Can you imagine how different the formation of the early church would have been if Andrew had not run and told Peter about the Messiah? The thousands on the mountain would have gone home with empty stomachs and doubtful hearts if they hadn’t gotten to experience the miracle of what Jesus did with those few fishes and loaves.  And I can only imagine the account the Greeks went home and told after encountering this man called Jesus who was right there before them, then died, and then three days later rose from the dead. I’m sure their testimony helped open doors and hearts for the gospel message that would soon be coming their way.

Now do you see why I like Andrew? I wish he got more kudos in scripture for how awesome he was. Maybe that’s part of the lesson too though… we don’t always receive credit for contributions to the kingdom of God.  But, when we are faithful in pointing the world to the Savior it craves, there’s no telling the impact it will have down the road.  You may or may not get to see the fruit, but that’s not the point. The point is this- are we keeping what God is doing in our lives to ourselves, or drawing others into the redemptive, healing work so they can experience it too?

May we all be broken of our bubbles and our routines… may we learn to be an “Andrew” to the people God puts in our path… and may we continue on even when we don’t get recognition for our faithfulness…

deny yourself

What do you think of when you hear the words “deny yourself, take up your cross and follow me”?  It’s a challenge Jesus gave to the early disciples, but this challenge has echoed as the battle cry of Christians for every century since. Its meaning has morphed and changed shape depending on the culture and popular doctrines of the times, but recently I’ve been really challenged by the idea of what this statement would have meant to the disciples who first heard the words uttered from Jesus’ mouth.

Here’s the deal- we have the full picture… we hear this passage and instantly think of Jesus, bloodied and bruised, dragging a heavy wooden beam along the streets that led to the mountain where he eventually hung and died. And we try to attribute how we can do this metaphorically in our lives too. The disciples didn’t yet have this picture, though. In fact, they didn’t even understand the fact that Jesus was to die… for them… even though he said it to their faces time and time again. So again I am praying that in my life the Holy Spirit would open my eyes and my heart to a new and fresh understanding of this call to arms.  Here’s what I’ve been realizing…

One of the expanded definitions of “deny” in the amplified version of this passage is to “lose sight of himself and his own interests.” I love this and hate it at the same time. Love it because it sounds so noble and holy, but hate it because it’s just plain hard to do!  We are selfish creatures and it’s in every fiber of our being to look out for ourselves.  Here’s the deal though- in putting aside your own interests and what YOU think is best for you, you are actually allowing The One who knows you better than you know yourself, who is ABLE to look out for your best interest and provide better than you ever could for yourself, to step in and be in control. So really the most self-seeking thing we could do is step aside and let God take the reins!

The other part of this invitation is to take up our cross. In the disciples’ day not everyone had to bear a cross- it was a severe punishment saved for the worst of criminals.  Needless to say, this wasn’t a warm and fuzzy, kumbaya kind of invitation. If you were bearing a cross it was because you deserved judgment and death.  Except for Jesus.  He bore the cross because of OUR sin.  Part of taking up our cross is daily recognizing our sin and failure and need for grace- that we deserve to bear a cross in the most literal sense.  It’s humiliating and gut-wrenchingly honest.  We don’t like this line of thinking in our world because it’s uncomfortable. We’re taught to be “good enough” and fall into the trap of “well at least I’m not as bad as ____”.  Truth is, we’re all messes… but God has an uncanny way of stepping in and making a beautiful thing from our mess.

May we all be brought to a place of realizing that we DON'T have it all figured out, and that we DON'T have it all under control... but that it's okay. May we be humbled and daily reminded of our need to receive grace... and give grace... and know that this can only happen through pursuing Jesus whole-heartedly.

joy

The huz is gone for the afternoon with friends, I have homemade pizza baking in the oven, and the kitchen table is cleared off (a bit of a miracle!)... It's going to be a good afternoon...

I don't know if you can relate to this- sometimes I'm so oblivious to what God is trying to teach me that he has to hit me over the head with it... over and over again... and then hit me one more time just to make sure I've got it. Sometimes it's hard lessons that are painful, but sometimes it's sweet reminders of God's presence and purpose- little reminders that He is there and does in fact care about me. I typically find that this happens through being "stalked" by one particular piece of scripture. No matter where I am, what I'm reading, or who I'm talking to, the same verse will keep popping up. Usually it's beyond creepy and too frequent to be just a coincidence. It could only logically be attributed to God knowing what a stubborn heart I have!  This afternoon it has been a good reminder, though, so I'm thankful for God's persistence. As I finally sit down and open my journal, the verse printed at the bottom of the page I'm on is Psalm 16:11.  Then I start journaling/processing through the sermon notes from church the past couple weeks... wouldn't you know, one of the first verse references is Psalm 16:11 again.  Then I open my Bible to that exact page and see Psalm 16:11 underlined... okay, okay, I got it God!  Successfully stalked again! Nothing really to expand on today- just wanted to share the sweet words that God gave me...

"...In your presence there is the fullness of joy..."  psalm 16:11

May we be reminded today that true joy only comes from acknowledging and basking in the presence of the Holy One, and nothing else will satisfy as a substitute.  What is robbing you of your joy today? And do you have the boldness to put it aside and sit at the feet of the One who wishes to fill you?

love God, love others

Bare with me- it's a long one... It all started last Monday night when our Young Adult Life Group started a series on discipleship (led by my incredible husband, might I add)...  He had the nerve to give us homework for the week (who does that?!) of meditating on some of the passages we had discussed. So on Wednesday I was stuck on Matthew 22:34-40, I knew that's where God had me camping out.  I was praying that the Spirit would breath new life and relevance to this often quoted passage. And here's what I took away...

When Jesus answered their question with “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul & strength”, he wasn’t coming up with some brilliant new line of thinking that was revolutionary to them.  His response was actually a statement that they all knew and knew well.  He was quoting the first line of the Shema from Deuteronomy 6.  In a way, it was a slap in their face- like he was saying “you think you know it all, well you should at least know this by now.” It was something they recited every day multiple times.  Their struggle is the same struggle we face now, though, in that we get so comfortable with the truth and with scripture that we go into “autopilot” and stop wrestling with it and allowing it to transform us. We think we've gleaned all their is to know from it so we move on to the next thing.  I wonder if sometimes we ask God questions- whether with manipulative motives like the Pharisees or with pure hearts- and He responds to us similarly with something “basic and elementary” that we’ve allowed to become an ineffective cliché.

Funny thing is, if you read Deut. 6, there is an element of discipleship contained within it.  It starts with impressing God’s truth on our own hearts but then branches out to include interacting with who God is and what he has to say when you’re with your children and in the home with the rest of your family and when you’re out living life, whoever you walk alongside with… it communal, it’s iron sharpening iron… creating a culture in your life of constantly dwelling on and discussing who God is.

Which leads us to Jesus’ second half of his response of “loving your neighbor as yourself”.  Again, he is quoting OT scripture that they would have known well- Levit. 19:18 says, “Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.”  I’m taking a little liberty in interpreting God’s tone when saying this, but I think it’s plain enough.  By ending with the statement “I am the LORD”, He’s not pulling the “I’m the parent and I said so” line.  I think he’s reminding us of who He is- his character and his role.  He is the LORD- Yahweh… It is his and his alone to distribute justice, whether through punishment or mercy. When we react with anything but love towards those around us, we’re saying that we know better than God.  We need to realize His holiness and goodness and pray that we can see people through His eyes, and not our own.  The more we learn to love God with all our heart, mind, and soul, the more open we are to letting go of our own ego and seeing people the way that God sees them.

The last thing with this passage that strikes me is that Jesus is always responding to attacks and trick questions with scripture- this is just one example of many from the gospels.  2 Timothy 3:16 says that “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped.” Jesus believed so much in the power of scripture that it was his number one weapon in conversations and debates.  He didn’t create a new system of beliefs or fancy rhetoric- he quoted what was already written.  When faced with questions or dilemmas, I don’t know why we feel like we have to give our two cents on everything or reword/repackage what the Bible says to be more effective or relevant.  Or for that matter, quote teachers or authors as our basis for truth over the actual Word of God?!  In relation to the discussion of discipleship, I think the challenge hidden in this particular passage is for us to get serious and passionate about the text of the Bible- we’re not going to mirror God’s heart in our lives and in our world unless we get to know His heart through dwelling on scripture. His word is our final authority.

So many challenges from these few verses... may we never settle in complacency or apethy, but rather constantly strive to have more and more the heart of our God...

to blog or not to blog...

…indeed that is the question…

I feel like I’ve been in denial for a long time. Denial that God has given me a spirit of discernment and a heart for experiencing truth in everyday life. Denial that the messages that tumble around in my head late at night as I’m trying to sleep have a purpose and might actually be used to encourage others if I dared share them with anyone other than myself.  Denial that despite what my own self-doubt and insecurity tell me, through Christ I am more than capable of communicating His truth and grace.  Sometimes I feel like Moses- being called to step out and do something bold, but defaulting to every excuse in the book of why I’m the wrong one to do it.

With my current job, I find myself in somewhat foreign territory... a land of not knowing what to do with myself.  I'm wired to function on busyness and multi-tasking, being sought after for help and input- but these days I find myself sitting in front of a computer screen attempting to be productive with little or no work to actually be done.  The blessing in this season is that I have 8 sanctified hours to read scripture online and check out various blogs in between answering phone calls and scheduling meetings. It's been breathe and life to my soul that's always struggled to carve out consistent daily quiet times amidst work, ministry, marriage, friendships, to-do lists, etc.  I don't think I've ever had this much time to sit and be still before the Lord...

I’ve gotten in the habit of typing my thoughts as I process what God is speaking to me through scripture and reading.  The last few weeks I’ve had this little whisper in the back of my head that I should start sharing some of my thoughts. Immediately, though, I quench that voice with a big, fat NO… I mean, usually my thoughts don’t make sense to anyone but me! Besides, who wants to hear what I have to say anyways?  Still that resilient whisper persists. Yesterday I got bold and emailed some of my thoughts to Michael.  His response made me laugh- he asked if I copied it from something I was reading or if I had written it.  Duh- clearly it’s the ramblings of your crazy wife! He’s affirming and encouraging as always though, believing in me when I don’t believe in myself. The voice has grown louder since yesterday. 

A few years ago I was in a small group led by Pam Farrel, and in our discussion time she would always challenge us by asking what our “God-sized dream was”.  To be honest it was a frustrating question for me because everyone else had these huge passions for missions, women’s rights, human trafficking, media… and I had nothing… nothing at all.  I just did youth ministry. That was as far as my calling was going to take me.  Fast forward a few years to me attending a Beth Moore conference with the women in my husband’s family.  It changed me.  Not only the message that Beth brought us that weekend, but seeing a woman SO in love with the Word of God and so committed to encouraging women to seek out God’s heart by being submerged in scripture… I thought, what a cool gig!  She gets to study scripture, prayerfully share her heart, and be in constant relationship with others she can encourage spiritually.  That right there is my God-size dream.  I don’t need a stage or books or anything like that… I just want to be used to encourage. To teach the precious promises held within the scriptures that we just glaze over.

So here I am, at a crossroads of staying silent or allowing myself to be vulnerable before others with what the Lord is teaching me.  And wouldn’t you know that it’s Beth Moore’s blog this morning that gave me the confirmation I needed- “It’s best not to glamorize writing because it is a very demanding assignment but, if God calls you to it, receive it with joy and with the open-mindedness of a student rather than a teacher, with much self-discipline, and with relentless prayer.”  So I think I’ll give this a shot… not because I am crazy wise or know everything there is to know… but because I’m hungry to learn and hungry to share this journey with the people around me. 

So have grace on me, I’m stepping out in faith on this one and would love some company for the road!