one foot in front of the other...

Highlights of the weekend:

decorating for Christmas and indulging in a Caramel Brulee Latte…

Not so favorite moment of the weekend:

running a practice 10k to prepare for Thursday’s Run for the Hungry…

Here’s the deal- I made a “30 before 30” list, and 29 of the 30 things to do were of my own accord. But Number 5… the one that says “run a 10k”… that was ALL my husband’s doing. Truth is, I hate despise (is there a stronger word than despise?!) running. I’m all for being active… as long as it’s in any form other than just plain old running. I started “training” two months ago… which lasted about 4 weeks. Now here we are days away and I’m not sure if I can do this.

So on Saturday we set out to do a practice run… I was good the first mile… my problem was with the five that came after! Literally, by mile marker 2.5 I was having a conversation in my head that shouldn’t be repeated… In a nutshell- I wanted to quit. I was tired, annoyed, didn’t see the point of all this. In the process and the struggle, though, there was a lesson to be had (isn’t there always?!)…

The lesson was this- just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Initially I thought this just had significance with running… but then Sunday night we got an email closing the door on something that we had been really hopeful for. I was instantly overcome with discouragement and defeat again. I’m exhausted from not knowing, from all the dead ends, the feeling like we’re getting nowhere. Then I heard it again…

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I’ve been dwelling on this phrase since, trying to figure out what that means for life and faith and me & M… and this morning I was reminded of Psalm 119:105…“Your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path.”

The path of life can be hard and long… and often we desire for God to point a giant flood light down our path so we can see everything between here and eternity… we want to know it all and know it now- where we're heading, the purposes along the way. We want specifics because let’s be honest, journeying down the dark, uncharted path of unknowns can feel daunting. And while God doesn’t give us that all-illuminating flood light, he DOES give us a lamp, through His word and His spirit. The Hebrew word used in Psalm 119:105 means a small handheld lantern… the kind that only provided enough light to see right in front of you.

Here’s the picture this verse paints- we walk hand in hand with God through life… us and our lamp… and He allows us to see just barely one step ahead from where we’re standing. We have the choice to focus on everything we can’t see or that which we can… we’re invited to step into that light, into His presence, and with that one step of faith comes enough light to see just a little bit more. The only way for us to not be frozen in life and faith, is to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, stepping into the little bit of light before us.

So this is what I’m learning, whether in running or in life or any other journey before me, that I need to keep putting one foot in front of the other… even when I’m frustrated and discouraged… even when things don’t make sense… leaning into the promises of God and the knowledge of His love for me, I will keep going one step at a time.

May we find hope from the God who desires to lead us with His light… and may we find courage to trust Him and step into where His light is guiding us.

a work in progress...

There’s been a reoccurring theme this past week amongst conversations, readings, and my own crazy little world… letting go of perfectionist tendencies. Releasing ourselves from the pressure of our seemingly unending to-do list. Freeing ourselves from our own expectations of having it all together, all the time. Learning to give ourselves grace… and room to breathe… and permission to say no…

This battle resonates deeply with me, I know it well. In all these discussions I keep hearing the taunt of Matthew 5:48- “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” This verse is like crack for people like me… a challenge to keep going going going and doing doing doing, always striving, never ceasing… but that’s not what Jesus intended these words to mean.

Isn’t that so like Satan to twist words that were meant to encourage & bring life and turn them into a burden, another chore that weighs us down?

I opened my Bible to this verse today and was reminded of grace as I read old notes written in the margins of the page. An arrow from the word perfect to my own scribbling… “the Greek word teleois means complete, full-grown, developing.” But how can you be both complete and still developing? Welcome to the paradox of faith, the mystery of sanctification.

In Christ… we are complete, we are whole, we are perfect. Our scarlet sins & failings have been made white as snow. We are new creations, welcomed to participate in the eternal kingdom of our Father without a second thought. This has nothing to do with us, and everything to do with Him.

Yet in ourselves… we are still developing, still growing and learning. We are a work in progress, battling a war between our spirit and our flesh. So even in this invitation to become more in line with the heart of God, He allows grace for the journey.

If we read this verse in the context of the words prefacing it, it’s really a call to love as God loves… to love as fully and generously as perfectly as He does, without false motives of what we can get in return. THIS is the true invitation of Matthew 5:48.

So we learn to release our expectations for ourselves… we are reminded that our value comes from who we are as a child of God, not how perfectly manicured our lives appear. We are not failures if we didn’t carry out every good intention… we are still His beloved, and we’re learning slowly but surely how to allow our hearts to be shaped like His.  We are all a work in progress...

 

come to the table...

I’ve shared a little bit already in other blogs, but this past year has been a unique season in my life… it’s been a time of transition, of stepping back and resting, of evaluating and regrouping... One of the biggest changes for me from the life I had grown so used to is that it’s the first time in a decade I haven’t led a group of High School girls. My heart beats for these small group times… for the relationships built, the discussions had, the laughter shared, the prayers offered… it’s what brings my heart joy.

By being removed from this environment, I feel like I’ve been able to reflect on what exactly it is I “do” in these ministry settings… Certain scriptures have come to light in new ways and settled different in me now that I’m still enough to process their significance for me.

Like today, I was reading a familiar passage in Mark 7... it started with an argument between the Pharisees and Jesus about the disciples not washing their hands before they eat… I mean, really?! (Obviously, there are cultural and religious implications that run deeper than the surface would suggest) In response, Jesus quotes Isaiah 29:13 to them:

“These people {the Pharisees} come near to me with their mouth
and honor me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me.
Their worship of me
is based on merely human rules they have been taught.”

It’s easy to gang up on the Pharisees and point the finger at them for their ridiculous legalism, but that last little part of what Jesus said caught my eye and got me thinking… what if empty traditions and hollow actions were all they were ever taught? What if all they were shown by their leaders is how to go through the motions of faith, without ever actually experiencing the heart behind these traditions? These are convicting questions for a person who's been in a teaching position...

So what does this look like for today? Teaching that focuses on behavior modification rather than Jesus- instructing others on how to play church and follow the rules of being “good”… but neglecting to communicate the big picture- the heart of God, the undiluted gospel. Sometimes we as teachers get so caught up in fixing the outside that we forget it’s more important for God to do work on the inside. We need to be reminded… I need to be reminded… that true grace allows for faith that looks a little rough around the edges sometimes.  It’s more important to teach those listening to us how amazing it is to eat a meal with Jesus, than to rebuke them for not washing their hands before they eat.

Being a communicator of God’s truth is not an easy task… we’re reminded repeatedly in scripture that this role should not be taken lightly. I was encouraged this week by another verse that seems to be the perfect prayer to follow this thought up with:

“Give me a God-listening heart so I can lead your people well,

discerning the difference between good and evil.

For who on their own is capable of leading your glorious people?"
~1 kings 3:9

but even if he does not...

For me, one of the most challenging accounts in scripture is the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego during their exile in Babylon {Daniel 3}. The whole story is really quite incredible… describing persecution that is hard to relate to, here in the States anyways… and their response to the accusations against their faith is inspiring. But the part that gets me every time… like a punch to my gut… comes from just six little words that they utter before the king…

“But even if he does not…”

These words follow their boasts of the goodness of our God, His mighty power, His ability to deliver from even the most horrific of scenarios. They proclaimed that God Almighty would save them from the blazing hot furnace that was awaiting them. Bold words… but what they said next was even bolder in my opinion…

“But even if he does not…”

This was their last battle cry… What could have been their final words, their final legacy… The heartfelt declaration that even if God chose not to answer their prayers and save them from this tragic situation, they would still worship Him alone and cling to their faith in Him until their final breath. Theirs was a faith that rested not on personal circumstances, but on the character of God. Belief that He is who He says He is.

“But even if he does not…”

Right now there’s something big looming before my husband and I… it’s nowhere near the magnitude of a death sentence like our 3 friends in Daniel… and it’s not even something bad- it’s actually the potential of something really GOOD! I find myself praying a lot about it, pleading before the Lord for this thing that M and I want so desperately. But our theme has been to pray with open hands… because whether or not this good thing comes to fruition, we still want to be able to say with sincere hearts that God is good and that God is able. We don’t want faith so wrapped up in our circumstances that we lose heart in God when we lose heart in life.

So I keep praying…

With open hands…

But even if He does not answer these prayers…

I will still worship Him.



not about being right...

I secretly cringe sometimes when people ask me what my major was in college… not because I’m embarrassed or regret it… but because it tends to transition into awkward conversation regardless of whom I’m speaking with. I have my degree in Biblical Studies, with an emphasis in Exposition… which apparently means I’m an arrogant Bible-thumper secretly judging everyone around me (*I’m not*) and/or I REALLY love to debate theology (*I don’t*). It’s interesting how this one book can elicit such a range of reactions in people… we're talking the WHOLE spectrum…

This weekend at church we discussed how the attitude with which we approach this book can have deep implications for our spiritual lives, and how sometimes we don’t even realize the faulty views of scripture we align ourselves with. There were analogies of people treating it like a fortune cookie, a magic 8 ball, a law book, a text book, a Rorschach test, a paddle we swat people with… the metaphors were endless… but safe to say, at least one of them resonated with each person there. It’s good to evaluate our view of God’s Word. I think it can be a litmus test for our perception of who God is and the healthiness of our faith.

It’s said in 2 Timothy that the holy scriptures are God-breathed. A unique description of God’s Word. This word picture brings us back to the beginning when God created earth and man and everything in between… and how Adam was just a pile of dirt until God breathed his breath into him. With God’s breath comes life and spirit and purpose. It’s the same with what’s written in The Bible- that same divine breath that’s in us is alive in scripture too... this is why something in us is stirred and awakened if we allow ourselves to engage with God’s words!

The writer of Hebrews understood this… he says that the Word of God is alive and active- it’s not just empty words. They have relevance and power. He relates scripture to a sharp sword before which we are uncovered and exposed. Apparently, these words in the original Greek were the same words used to describe animals laid out before being sacrificed and gladiators about to be killed by their opponent. They have the connotation of complete and utter vulnerability, a matter of life or death.

BUT… and this is what I love… right after it says this in Hebrews, the writer says, “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence…” We have no need to live in fear or guilt or shame… the only need we have is for the grace of Jesus which He wants to shower on us.

The repeated phrase of the morning at church was that “The Bible is not about being right, but about righting relationships (with God and with others).” The theme woven throughout the pages of The Bible is one of redemption and reconciliation. It's meant to bring hope and light... not argue people into the ground. God's words should be treated with humility, not pride.

My prayer for myself… and whoever else may read this… is that we would develop a passion for God’s Word and allow it to teach us, rebuke us, correct us, and train us so that we might be thoroughly equipped… not to argue or lecture people into the kingdom of God… but to love them and serve them, that they might desire to know our Jesus too…