memories...

I don’t know if I’m the only one who feels this way, but… I love how every song I hear has a memory attached to it. Or a story. Or a person it reminds me of. Seriously, EVERY song. Who needs scrapbooks when you have a radio… it evokes the same nostalgic feelings and it’s cheaper. I’ve been realizing lately that somewhere along the way, scripture started doing the same thing. There are certain passages that have inconspicuously adopted to themselves memories of my past that I can’t help but be reminded of when I read them. Sometimes it’s something that happened, a season I went through, a conversation I had, or a person I’m reminded of. I love it though… in the vast sea of scripture, it creates a sense of belonging and settledness.

Today I experienced a moment like this… an instant trip down memory lane… when I came across the “don’t worry” passage of Matthew 6. As I was reading these familiar words, I was instantly brought back to the morning I arrived in Moscow… it was the summer of 2004… I had just graduated from college with a gold sticker on my diploma, but no clue what to do next in life. The only thing for certain was that I was spending the summer in Russia. I had been there many times before but it was always with groups... and an itinerary… and I only stayed for 2 weeks tops. That morning reality sank in that I was halfway around the world, alone, not really sure what I was supposed to be doing there and how to survive regular day to day life… so on my little apartment couch I had a minor freak out session.

God led me to this exact passage in Matthew 6. I know theologians often argue over whether to interpret scripture literally or figuratively… but let me tell you, in that moment I was claiming these words as literally as I could! Because one of my main concerns for myself was how on earth I was going to stay fed. I was living near a forest on the outskirts of Moscow, so I very well couldn’t take the metro into town to get a cheeseburger at McDonalds every time I was hungry! God met me on that couch that morning with his promises of provision and care. And here I am seven years later remembering that moment like it was yesterday.

Here’s the cool thing, though, about being on the other side of the experience now- the memory allows for sweet feelings and smiles rather than the fear and anxiety that swallowed me that morning. Because I know now how things turned out… how amazing that summer ended up being, the incredible ministry God allowed me to be a part of, and that there was absolutely no reason at all to fear the details of living during my summer there… looking back, my mini-freak out seems so unwarranted! That’s the beauty of having memories attached to scripture I suppose- it’s a personal reminder that God’s words are true, that we've lived them firsthand, and that we can rest in His promises. They’re not just empty words- they are meant for us!

I hope that you can have some of these sweet moments too… remembering times when God’s word came alive in a very real and memorable way. May we never forget where we’ve been and the lessons we’ve learned along the way… and may these memories encourage us when we need to be reminded of how good God is…

a sacrifice of thanks...

I’m learning that gratefulness is something that needs to be cultivated… intentionally and aggressively. I’ve had seasons where being thankful came easily and naturally. But then I’ve had seasons where living in gratitude felt forced and insincere. We always talk about getting to a place where our faith isn’t based on the circumstances around us, but rather on the character and promises of God. Well, I want to be at a place of gratitude that is not circumstantial either. There’s always something to be thankful for.

It’s interesting to see how thankfulness is presented in the Bible. I hate to use the word demanded because the choice is always ours in what attitude we possess… but let’s just say that, in the New Testament anyways, it’s highly recommended. We read things like:

Let us constantly and at all times offer up to God a sacrifice of praise (Heb. 13:15)
Always give thanks to God for everything (Eph 5:20)
Give thanks in all circumstance, for this is God’s will for you (1 Thes. 5:18)

I think the coolest depiction of gratitude, though, is how it is presented in the Old Testament. Giving thanks to God was done through making a sacrifice to Him at the temple of one of your best animals. I’ll spare you the graphic-ness of the process, but there really are some rich parallels between this Thanks Offering and cultivating thankfulness in our lives today. The animal being offered would be split up between what was burnt on the altar to God, what was given to the priests for food, and what the person making the offering would take back home with him. It was the only type of offering where you didn’t go home empty handed. You got something in return, and that something was meant to be shared with others. The one making the offering would take his portion back home and enjoy a meal afterwards with family and friends where the spirit of giving thanks to God would overflow and continue with everyone present.

Other than the animal being killed and all (praise God we don’t have to do THAT anymore!), sounds pretty kumbaya-ish, right?! But what about those seasons where saying thanks to God is painful and hard? When you don’t feel thankful? When life has the sting of bitterness? I love what one commentator said regarding the passage of Leviticus that describes these Thank Offerings-

“Notice this verse calls this the sacrifice of thanksgiving. We need to sometimes give a sacrifice of thanksgiving. There will be times when turmoil, doubts, or tragedy may rob us of our joy and we may not feel very thankful. But the thank-offering was to be a sacrifice to God. Sometimes we need to sacrifice to God- sacrifice pride, sacrifice emotions, sacrifice material goods, sacrifice time, sacrifice commitment. A sacrifice is not a sacrifice if it doesn’t cost us something.”

Being thankful really is a spiritual discipline, requiring effort and commitment. It may not be a literal sacrifice these days, but it’s a sacrifice nonetheless. That is why, with my birthday coming up, I’m challenging myself to begin year 29 in a spirit of fostering thanksgiving in my life. On my list I wanted to choose a month to write down 3 things every day I’m thankful for- so September is going to be the month. I would love it if people would join me at my table and share this meal with me for the month… lets encourage each other to have a perspective of gratitude, k?! We really do have so much to be thankful for…

I will post every Sunday my list of things I'm thankful for for the previous week... would love for others to join with me and share things they are thankful for too... whether its one thing or one hundred things! I just think it'd be a cool experience to share together... :)

surrendering...

For the entire second half of last week, I had the same conversation running through my head. It was a conversation with a high school girl I’d just met where she reluctantly told me she was atheist… reluctance partly because she was at a church event and partly because she has a tender spirit that was afraid of offending me. It was a short but honest conversation, mostly her talking and me listening. I've had many conversations like this before, but for some reason the mental replay of this one became more and more discouraging to me as the week went on…

For those of us who thrive on being the fixer, the teacher, the encourager… these dead-end conversations kill our spirit and our confidence. As the interaction would replay in my head, I fell into these mind games of what I could have said and how I should have responded… as if there was some magical answer that would have instantly broke open her heart for Jesus. I should know better by now than to succumb to these mind games because they only leave you feeling drained and depleted. Discouragement is not a holy place to camp out- God is the giver of life, not defeat…

This past weekend, though, I received some aptly timed encouragement that spoke truth into this area of my heart. We had small group training at church where we discussed the raw and honest realities of ministry and the things we need to remember as spiritual leaders. There were some incredible people there and I appreciated the candid dialogue of what being a leader in a ministry involves … Two things in particular spoke to me, probably because it’s the areas I experience the most frustration…

1...   Transformation of others is not our responsibility. Period. We are invited to play a part, but creating change in others is not it… neither is manipulating a need for a Savior in others. We are called to pray, to serve, to be open to God’s work in our own life and authentically live it out for others to see… but we are not the Holy Spirit. HE is the wooer of souls, the one who softens hearts and opens minds, the one who convicts of sin and righteousness. His work is not dependent on me having the right words and the correct answer in a certain situation. He is far more capable than I. And this is incredibly freeing.

2...   There is a tension between grace and truth that we need to be aware of. Both are equally important and equally needed in our relationships… if we allow one to overpower the other, then we’ve been compromised. The problem with this, though, is that we tend to fall more on one side the spectrum than the other. Personally, I tend to lean more on the side of grace… which in a weird way I always felt was the holier side… but I was reminded this weekend of the power in truth and that there are times when I could stand to be more bold in declaring it. How will people know God’s heart in things if we never speak it. For me, I allow fear to stop me because I so desperately desire for people to know my love for them… but sometimes sharing truth is the most loving thing I can do.

So this is where I’m at and what I’m learning… and I share the challenge in it with you. May we all surrender control and allow GOD’s transforming power to work in us and in others around us… may we strive to walk the balance of grace and truth… and to love without an agenda…

I see you, I hear you...

My senior year of High School was monumental for me… it was a year of new friends, new experiences and a lot of growth. That was the year I discovered the value of true fellowship and the value of studying the Bible. I became part of a small group and we did a study on the Names of God in scripture. Through this study I fell in love with the character of God and the nearness He has with His creation. With us. It allowed me to see Him as personal and not just some distant cosmic force…

I’ve been reminded of this study… inspired to maybe do it again?!... as I’ve been reading through Genesis because so many of the names used to describe God are first encountered in this book. Genesis is a book of beginnings and introductions, so it’s only natural that through the telling of history unfolding, God’s presence in this world would also unfold. There are names like Jehovah-Jireh (“the Lord will provide”), El Elyon (“the most high God”), El Shaddai (“God almighty”), and Elohim (“Creator God”). These are names of God that I know and have clung to in the past. There is something old and comfortable about them.

This time, though, I’ve been intrigued with another name of God in Genesis… one that I haven’t really noticed before… it’s a name that Hagar calls Him during one of the lowest and loneliness times of her life. She calls God El Roi, which means “the God who sees me.” The original Hebrew connotation for the word “sees” runs deeper than mere visual acknowledgement, though. It literally means that He knows and understands in a deeply personal way. Hagar felt rejected, abused, unloved, and completely distraught… running from her past, but hopeless about her future… she was stuck. God met her in that desert place to speak to her fears and insecurities. Her response was one of awe and relief that she wasn’t alone after all. The living God not only saw her pain, but He was meeting her in it.

It’s ironic that in an age where we’re more connected to each other than ever… cell phones, email, facebook, texting, twitter… there’s still this prevalent feeling of being alone and being misunderstood. We crave relationship and we crave value. God longs to meet these two basic human needs if we would just stop running and look to Him. He is El Roi… He sees us, He knows us, He understands where we’re at and what we’re going through. We are always seen, and we are always heard. What a beautiful thing.

May we be encouraged by this facet of who God is… He is the God who sees us. He is always present… always engaged… and always wanting to answer the silent prayers of our heart.

this is the way...

just wanted to post something I was reminded of today...

Whether you turn to the right or to the left,

your ears will hear a voice behind you saying,

"This is the way; walk in it."  isaiah 30:21

am I taking time to listen for it? are you? what does God's voice sound like in your life?